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I Can"t Find My Children
The experts say that there are phases or stages in grieving.
To mention a few there is the stage where one is in denial.
No it cannot be like this .
This is not happening.
I will awake and everything would be as it was yesterday.
There is the anger stage.
Someone really hates me.
God is punishing me for something I did or did not do.
I will not take this.
I am totally upset every single time I think about the situation.
This stage may have a lot of crying and self recrimination.
What did I do wrong? Why did this happen to me? How come these things do not happen to others? Even though in the previous stages people may manifest overlapping feelings and may not be stuck in any one phase all of the time, there comes a stage when a person says, I accept this.
It may not be in words that are actually spoken, yet there is a lessening of pain.
There are longer periods of coping with the loss.
There may be times when a person can mention the hurt and not feel that devastation.
Then there will be times when it all piles up again and all of the phases of grief seem compounded and one wonders whether there will ever be any healing.
One wonders whether for him/her the sun will ever shine again.
I do Know that the sun will shine.
It has happened to others before and it will happen again.
I will at this time like to discuss a time of loss that is not commonly thought of -- childlessness.
Some may wonder how someone could grieve over something that he/she never possessed.
The loss really relates to someone's dream.
The hope of having children that in physical appearance are a combination of you and your spouse.
Grief can take hold of a person in that situation and hold him/her captive for many years until it is no longer possible to bear children.
How does one cope with the grief of childlessness? You don't.
You just live from one day to the other and through counselling may learn how to be thankful for small mercies day by day.
You may learn through the giving of thanks that there is a God who gives and who takes away and you learn to say blessed be His name.
I have grieved for my unborn son for twenty -four years until I had a hysterectomy and I thought that I would attain to the resolution stage.
It happened for a while, but frequently without my attention the grief and the tears return.
I have learned therefore that some grief one may live with until one dies.
I am a woman hurt.
I grieve as if my son died yesterday.
Even as I write this article there are tears in my eyes.
Maybe weeping endures only for a night.
Maybe joy does come in the morning.
Maybe some people have nights that are longer than others'.
Maybe one day I too will say I am free from grief and loss.